Is where I most prefer to be at right now.
But I have to return to that city, have to go south...just to continue my studies.
"Just go and study. Nothing else matters. Study," is only what my Mother can say to me. She knows how unprepared I am to be heading back to KL.
My old friends will definitely know this habit of mine. My mind is somewhat wild. I jump from one idea to another. I dissolve into a brand new idea and elaborate it, but could not finish it once another new idea pops out. Thank goodness I do not do this with men.
My fan fictions; to be exact. I have a number of them that are not done yet. Everything's hanging with no continuation. Lack of motivation is to blame and I get distracted pretty easily with newer ideas.
Makes me wonder when the hell am I publishing my own novel? When will I get the time to write it and finish it?
My basic excuse whenever my mother questions me about it is this: "Dan Brown took years to finish The Da Vinci Code. The whole thing takes time."
Yeah, it is downright true but then; how long shall I procrastinate? My fictional assassin needs his second killing. I should deliver that to him, with style and substance.
Is my assassin ready anyway? Is my plot already firm?
So I run, hide and tear myself up
Start again with a brand new name
And eyes that see into infinity
I will disappear
I told you once and I'll say it again
I want my message read clear
I'll show you the way, the way I'm going
So I run, and hide and tear myself up
Start again with a brand new name
And eyes that see into infinity
I was almost there
Just a moment away from becoming unclear
Ever get the feeling you're gone?
To be believed, I have to try something else they believe.
I think I'm okay with that. I can feel the inner devil within whispering to me, planting his seed of doubt. Damn you.
It sounds something like this:
Susah betul nak explain benda kat orang yang penakut ni. Susah betul nak bagi faham. Untuk sekali je. Padahal dia orang yang paling kita percaya. Tempat mengadu nasib. Tempat bermanja. Untuk kesekian kalinya aku rasa macam aku ni orang gila yang bersusah payah nak bagitahu doktor sakit jiwa yang aku ni tak gila. Gila kan?
Kalau takut, timbul keraguan. Kalau takut, dia beralih pada orang yang dipercayai. Macam dia seorang je yang ada orang yang dia percayai. Macam apa yang aku percayai ni tak betul.
Masalahnya, semua ni bersebab. Kalau tak setuju, susahnya aku jugak.
Apa yang aku cakap, semua dianggap karut. Kenapa? Orang yang dia percayai saja ke yang berhak dipercayai? Berhak diberi peluang menunjukkan dia benar? Aku tak boleh?
Mungkin dia ingat aku taksub. Taksub hapekebendenye? Ingat aku suka-suka reka cerita ke? Aku reka cerita pakai pen dengan buku aje. Tak pakai benda serius macam ni.
Kadang-kadang aku rasa kalau aku kekalkan lah perangai berahsia aku masa kecik-kecik dulu, lagi aman kot jiwa aku.
I might be getting one. Soon.
I wanted to laugh very badly. Well, I did this evening. I think it's funny.
To some people it might be a horrific chapter but well, my Dad can do whatever he wants. I seriously don't think it's a huge deal.
The bottom line is that, I just find this news to be funny. Even funnier when it didn't come from his own lips.
Even funnier when his friend bragged about how famous he is among the ladies.
One second; let me laugh.
Finally, I have completed my astrology attractions. Found my Scorpio iCandy™! And it's Faizal Tahir. My mother would totally disapprove of him. LOL. I am always attracted to bad and arrogant men, and those with flattering ego boost. No idea why. But anyway, iCandy™ are just for fun!
Your Power Element is Metal |
 Your power colors: white, gold, and silver Your energy: contracting Your season: fall You are persistent (and maybe even a little bit stubborn). If you see something you want, you go for it. You have a lot of strength, and it's difficult to get you down. Very logical, you tend to analyze everything going on in your life. |
Your EQ is 133 |
 You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. You are warm and open. Even when life gets you down, you're unafraid of the world and its challenges. You are comfortable with who you are. And you accept your weaknesses - as well as the weaknesses of others. While you are quite stable, you don't respond perfectly to every bad situation that comes up. But you have enough emotional intelligence to know when you need a course correction. |
